omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Naked. naked and bneed help.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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