Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
