i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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