Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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