Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
