That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
