Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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