Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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