today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
