chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
