I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
