I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
