I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
