I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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