The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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