he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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