you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
