life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
