So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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