fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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