how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I love you. Go after that dick
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