I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
