So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
