i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
