and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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