I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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