Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize