I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
