You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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