I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
