Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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