it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm getting married
To pizza
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
