Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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