Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Randomize