Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
