I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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