That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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