I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize