Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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