If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This is my gift to your gina
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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