Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize