ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
