Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
