It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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