What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize