She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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