We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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