and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think I am morally bankrupt
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize