Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
