He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
