saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
