this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
