I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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