You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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