Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
