Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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