he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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