The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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