I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
