My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
