and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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