How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
