My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
