So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
