I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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