yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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