Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
