And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
